Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Christmas Trip and Other Observations...

Hi Ho! Merry Bah Humbug and all that rot… Christmas is OVER thanks be to God! OK, granted the holiday is supposed to be a celebration of the Birth of Jesus Christ and all, but to those of us here in Iraq its just another day, especially those of us who are missing our families… especially my kids. Christmas #4 away… God this’s lame, but hell, I had a good time despite the “missing my fam” thing.

Specifically, I managed to get a flight out to Spiecher on Christmas Night. Now this in itself was a phenomenal thing in that I finally got to have a ‘birds eye view’ of the country again. My first flight left out of Victory kind of late. I’m not going to give specifics as there’s just too much danger in giving out info like flight times and locations and such… “Loose Lips Sinks Ships” is still a realistic fear. Case in point:

While waiting for a flight out, I saw a ‘gentleman’ come walking up to the helipad. I use the term ‘gentleman’ in the respect that he was in a Brooks Brothers suit jacket, and the rest of the outfit, from his arrow shirt to his Bally shoes screamed “Washington D.C. Bigwig” and was bec’ fin. As in tres chic. Well, what the hell he was doing travelling with us ‘commoners’ was beyond me. Usually dudes dressed like him are chartered their own birds, complete with heavily armed gunship escorts. Well, Mr DC as I’ll call him, well, he was obviously expecting the aforementioned treatment, and obviously, he wasn’t happy about flying ‘coach’ with us common swine. He was on a cell phone yelling at some poor bastard and lambasting the shit out of them, switching from Arabic to English and back and forth. Thing was he then started telling “Look, the flight leaves at “X” time and will be landing at “Y” time at helipad “Z”.

Whoa. Big Time NO-GO!!!

See, the Dirty Haj have the ability to tap our cellies. Lets face it, the cell phone towers are out ‘on the economy’ outside of the wire, and you and I BOTH know that the Dirty Haj use the technology. Shit, the Second Battle of Fallujah, the FIRST thing the fucking Jarheads did was waste the cellie towers so’s the Dirty Haj wouldn’t have their normal means of commo. And it worked… quite well from what I understand. The First Battle of Fallujah, they DIDN’T do this, and the Dirty Haj had better co-ordination because of it. The second time, fuck the locals and whoever else it upsets. Them towers got nuked first. So to continue…

I waited til Mr DC was off the phone, and went over VERY politely and asked him if his cell phone was a NSA (No Such Agency) secured cell. He looked confused and told me no, at which point I delivered a VERY POLITE but firm admonishment to him about Operational Security, and that if I was going to be flying with him, I didn’t wan t him broadcasting to the fuckin bad guys all the info they need to bag us… I mean if he wants to kill himself, then fine, fucking go for it, but I’d rather make it home to my family. I also mentioned that since he WAS so high on the food chain, (State Department I later found out… like the Mo’Fo’ in Charge) that the Bad Guys were probably LOOKING to bag him, and please in the future don’t be so fucking clueless.
As I was delivering this, his PSD handler (Personal Security Detachment) listened in, and was nodding like the whole time. He thanked me (politely right back atcha!) and rolled to get his bag. Later he came over and apologized pretty well for having been a dumbass, and that he was embarrassed that a contractor pointed this out to him, and that he should have known better. Either way, he was cool, and I got to correct someone WAAAAAAAAAY up on the Food Chain!!! God, it made my day so to speak… so to continue yet again.

The flight was long one. On a UH-60 Blackhawk. Good bird… just really REALLY cold at night in the winter. The only heat comes from the turbines leaking in through the roof. The other drawback, we had to still wear full battle rattle. In my case, an HUGE ass heavy fucking body armor of Dragon Skin and Level Four Titanium Plates. Wears on the back (send some Percs Mom!!!) and leaves me sore for days after. So anyways, the info that was wild was this… Baghdad is ALIVE and doing GREAT!!! The whole city, with minor exceptions, was completely lit up, and despite past things, there seemed to be an assload of vehicles, civilian, type many each boogieing around the town. Two or three years ago, the only thing you might see were HMMWVs or tanks tooling around after dark, and if you DID see a car, it was usually blown to hell by the Good Guys because the Bad Guys were the only ones who’d be breaking curfew.
Yeah, the city was lit up like New York or LA (unheard of in 04 or 05) and the people were out and about. Despite the Masshole Mediaheadache lying to you all, the people and country are coming back, and the infrastructure is coming back, as well as the power and other shit too. Case in point, they are now installing and almost done with the installation of all of the light poles on the way to Baghdad International Airport. The Army cut them all down back in 04 as the fucking Dirty Haj like to place shaped charges against them, and blow them up on convoys coming by. Now? Not so much. They’ve been setting up the new lights and even installed an irrigation system so that the route (Route Irish mind you, 2004’s voted “The Most Dangerous Section of Highway in the Known Universe… one hell of a title eh?) this so that the route will be green again and lush on the way to and from Baghdad.

(In Dice Clay’s voice) Dan Rather? Yeah… I FUCKED him!!!!

For real… No mention of this. No mention of ANYTHING positive STILL! I’d have to say, that when it IS all said and done, that I’m forming a group named “Iraq Veterans Against The Media” and promote senseless violence on ANY member of the media, print or television. Assault them on the streets… beat the fuck out of them. Firebomb their businesses… after all, they pretty much encouraged the Dirty Haj to do the same to the troops during the entire fucking war, so I say, like Karma, Payback is a MOTHERFUCKER. I mean how quickly would they buckle and bend? Even the government would be for this… at least the current administration. I’m buying that web domain name too. I’ll build the website on the side as another project, and I’m going to stock it with an exhortation in “weasel-speak” that I lift from the Earth Liberation Movement website… “weasel-words” in that I personally am not responsible for what happens, but if something does, I’ll condemn it per se.

But otherwise, the trip was cool. I got to visit old friends and we got bombed on shitty tequila. I ended up holding Gina’s hair (not the wife but the friend) while she hurled her guts out… she hasn’t had much along the lines of booze as of late, and the Tequila was a bit of a kick in the head. I ended up keeping her from barfing all over herself, and because of that, and that I got her in her bunk without too much hassle, I consider it a night well spent. Problem was, the next day I was hungover as the tequila was REALLY BAD. I normally don’t feel a hangover, but that day, Yepper… it was ugly.

The flight back was uneventful. I flew back on a CH-47 Chinook or “Shit-Hook” and that was great… fast, warm and I bought myself a set of ‘in-the-ear’ headphones for my MP3 player that aren’t available here on Victory, and wore those as opposed to regular earplugs. Yeah… flying on these birds, there ain’t no soundproofing, and earplugs are mandatory unless you never want to hear properly again. These lil earbuds allowed me to jam the fuck out to a killer soundtrack of Rob Zombie and other ‘combat style’ music, (read Heavy Metal and such) and it kept me from going deaf from the helicopter itself.

Otherwise, been back now about two days, and going to be trying another bounce over New Years with Lil Country to supply him and get all sorts of deranged out in TQ. It’s a bitch to get to TQ, so I’m gonna try bright and early on the 29th and 30th to get out there. Hopefully It’ll work.

Mom (my mom that is) wants me to place my mailing addy up here so those of you who want to mail me some stuff, can. Those of you who WOULD mail me stuff know my ‘real handle’ and I’m not posting that, but the mailing addy is:
The Intrepid Reporter (Big Country) My real name
3Di Technology
APO AE 09344
No porn drugs or booze… Well, booze if you can get it to me LOL! Beyond that, I’ll place some more pics from outside the wire like I’ve been promising in the next posting. I’ve been busy as fuck as we all know, and that’s just how it rolls. Until then, I remain the Intrepid Reporter, Big Country.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Eve Notes

OK Folks:
I promised photos from outside the wire, but I haven’t made a trip that allowed me to take said pics. Not that there’s been any danger, more of the line that A) It’s Christmas Eve and B) The only run I made out there was to hit the duty free to get a goodly supply of booze to insure I would be well lubricated through what I consider to be some insanely tough times. I’ve been trying for six plus times over the past week or so to go get with my friends at another FOB to spend the holidays with them. Seeing that my REAL family is in the states, and having a good time, I figured I’d try to get with my “Iraq Family” which consists of my best friends to include Lil Country, and get a load on with them. Like I said, tough times… one Christmas at home with a broken leg in the past 5 years… Fuck me.
Problem is, as in the States, because things are mellow, almost every single chopper flight I’ve tried to get has been cancelled due to ‘weather’ or some other such shit. Tonight, the sky is clear as a bell, but my guess is that the CW-2/4 flying the bird decided he couldn’t see Hong Kong, so therefore, no go on the flight. It was a piss me off in that I had to get ‘suited up’ in full battle rattle to include my Dragon Skinz and Plates and helmet, and since I made it a point of being there 45 minutes before the flight, I was wearing said afore-mentioned gear, minus skull bucket, as I waited, (apparently in vain,) for the helo. Not once, not twice, but six fucking times over the past week they’ve shitcanned the birds going where I wanted to go.
Eh… it’s the holiday. Let ‘em get the rest and chill mode when they can. My only piss me off is I’m stuck here, instead of with close friends, pecking out in a two finger mode this fucking report rather than winging it out to party central. Now this leads me into some interesting info I copped while hanging out on the helipad. Seems that when yer travelling in theater, you meet ALL sorts of people. Case in point, today it was the head of the U.S.O. contingent, and the head of the J.V.B. Now you all (or at least those who aren’t retarded) should know what the U.S.O. is… the J.V.B. I’ll explain to avoid the editor in the back with his goddamned questions.
The J.V.B. stands for the Joint Visitors Bureau. It’s where the celebrities and other such IMPORTANT folks come and stay at Victory and other major bases. In ’04 I met Toby Keith there in a one-on-one, and it’s where Lil Country and I got to fuck with that asshole Geraldo Rivera. (If you didn’t hear/see that one, you missed a classic ‘common man v.s. celeb’ fight so to speak) But I digress… I was on the periphery of a conversation between Ms. U.S.O. and the J.V.B. Lieutenant…
Now a lot of you back home saw the WWE (World Rassling Entertainment) show “For the Troops” that the McManns put on over here… It’s really cool that WWE comes over, and the setup and filming was done a few weeks ago. Me? I saw it, and avoided it as I was busy, and realistically, this gig was for the troops. They had ALL the major stars there and the idea was to have as many troops in the scene as possible. Unlike Kuwait where they wereWANTING my big ass to show up, this time I stayed out of the way. Let’s face it, I’m Bigger than MOST of the WWE stars. At 6’4 and 320lbs, and in pretty good shape, despite the steroid enhancement, I’d kick half of their asses, and ask for seconds LOL! Yeah… pure ego talking there. Anyways, besides hyping the Big Country stats, reality is this: I overheard the LT who’s in charge of ‘handling’ the stars. They stay at the J.V.B….and well according to the LT and these are EXACT quotes :
“They trashed the place… broke furniture… puked on the walls, the floor, all over, got drunk and wrecked their rooms. Bastards even left ammo behind… live rounds all over and other shit… they even got drunk as fuck PUBLICALLY (my aside… a big no-no… get drunk in private… don’t flaunt it) and then while fighting threw some guys into the pond!”
Now from my point of view: What a bunch of fucking assholes.
If I were in charge, the next time the WWE came here, each ‘superstar’ (read steroid enhanced asshole) would have a minder locked and loaded with a tazer to keep them in line, and if that didn’t look like it would work, a fully loaded M249 chopped and cropped Squad Automatic with orders that if these neo-primates got out of line, that they were to be shot, with all subsequent paperwork to read “accidental discharge” as the final result…. I’d even have, as “Officer in Charge” paperwork pre-filled out, with a ‘fill in the blank’ for the name of the cretin who got stupid and got shot in the process.
I mean GREAT that they come here for the line troops… STILL WHAT THE FUCK man? You come here, and act like a total asshole to everyone who is there to insure your safety? Me? Fuck… I’d be dropping them outside the wire and telling them to see if they can hitch a ride off of Route Irish. Ungrateful spoiled rotten fucking scumbags. I know ‘roids can fry the brain, but still… Pissing off heavily armed people? I’m just thinking they should be thankful that this wasn’t ’04-’05 under 3rd CORP as they would have killed these prick.
Anyways, It’s now officially Christmas, as it’s 0003 Hours, so Merry Christmas Everyone. My email has been fucked as the Norton AV I have won’t let me send shit (need to fix that) but as they say, Merry Christmas to all, the Loves of my Life, Gina, Ryan and Marissa, Mom and Dad and Hud and Amy, and never forget… I also want to include Kris, Paul, My God Daughter Mariah and Andrew, all the Rasicot Clan, as well as Broady and all the former McKesson Crew to especially include Spinelli, and Batman. Others include the people who email me and comment regularly to include Bob Owens from Confederate Yankee and FireFox down in Mass… I’ll holler after the new year. Peace and Love and God Bless
The Intrepid Reporter

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Meanwhile, Back Home....

A bit of a change, as things are so insanely boring here in Baghdad. This dispatch will be about home, specifically one of the unintended consequences of the housing collapse. Specifically what I saw when I was home, and how I had to deal with it. That being said, sit back as the IR has got a couple of funny ones for you.

Ok ALL of my neighbors, all the Mil folks, my marines, Air Force Para rescue kids? I’ve mentioned them previously. To whit: I had two sets of wing wipers from McDill and a Prior Service Marine Recon kid living directly across from me and around me... we had a "watch out for each other thing" going... when the housing market crashed, a lot of them moved, they either had some divorces (real “Wisteria Lane Stuff”,) or walked away like a bunch of other people.
The Bank, in its infinite wisdom, then rented them to:

1) Two redneck shit kicker white trash motherfuckers and
2) A Puerto Rican drug dealer

So needless to say, the IR/Big Country is NOT happy. Good neighbors exchanged for fucking dirtbags? GREAT! The PR drug deal was OBVIOUSLY a dealer as we had so many motherfucking cars roll up at odd hours (1am and 2am) and had people jump out, run inside for 3 to 5 minutes, and then run out and leave, usually in a rush. The rednecks? Not so bad, but see the following.

The rednecks, well, I dealt with them first, as I’m a redneck, granted one of New England Birth, so I at least, like in the movie “Airplane”: “Yes stewardess, I speak Jive!” Well, I speak Redneck, and got the street cred as one… so anyways, they presented the first opportunity to let them know just WHO runs this here piece o’ turf. Back home, my Dad was known as the Neighborhood Asshole… as in, don’t even THINK of being stupid with his property or family, OR ELSE! I found myself in a similar position.

This one night, I got out of work and Household Six had picked me up, well, I was in full ACUs as it WAS work, and I was trying to project an aura of “militarism” that the company hadn’t experienced before. Anyways, we pull into the driveway and come home to the rednecks going all out in their driveways and in the street... damned near getting out of control... I grabbed the kids, ran them in, and had Household Six grab my Beretta Nine (over strenuous objections… she sees guns, as having been raised in The Peoples Socialist Republic Of Massachusetts, as an evil thing) I told her to move the fuck out, no argument (things were getting heated) and move out while I watch things... in just 2 minutes she brought it to me, and I had her haul ass inside. I then chambered a round (which is loud) and then tucked in into the small of my back.

Amazing how the sound of a round being chambered quiets things down.

Everyone chilled when they heard the gun, and then saw the Big Fucking Dude( in ACUs mind you,) meaning ARMY or MILITARY in huge letters, thereby legitimizing me as an AUTHORITY FIGURE. I crossed the street, and man, things mellowed quick…. I settled them real quick… Like Jules “Chill that bitch out!” mode from fucking Pulp Fiction. It helped that they all are small dudes, and then they chilled, all hostility gone, and all I did was tell them point blank that “Welcome to MY neighborhood and that I would brook no shit with this Red Neck Soap Opera. If they want to kill each other in the walls of their rented house, then fine. It’s when it spills out on the street… (MY fuckin street, mind you) that it now becomes MY biddness, and that I’ll do ANYTHING to keep things happy happy joy joy on my fucking street.

Since then, they are all good with us, even offering to mow the lawns for Gina as they are working for a lawn care company. They, at least were easy. They respect what I do, and respect the fact that I’m a big ugly mercenary motherfucker. I like them truthfully… “Red Necks Gotta Stick Together” as they say… save yor Confederate money y’all… it’s gonna be worth more than the dollar soon! So to continue:

The drug dealer.
Hoo Boy…

After all this, I figured it was time to share the wealth of my wrath, so I went over the next night (seeings that I was on a roll) and told him that I didn't care how he made his money, but the cars and shit at all hours (3am and such) racing around the neighborhood was a no go.
In uniform mind you.


Full Battle Rattle... as if I had just got off the range. Sidearm and M-4 slung.

Ok this's where it gets good He acted like with typical gang banger mentality. All Spanish machismo...
I told him that I didn’t appreciate his business interfering with the neighborhood, and that he was risking his life and my family’s life with his “business.” And that I wasn’t gonna tolerate it.

"Yeah Homey? What makes me think I'm afraid?"

I told him flat out, I didn't expect him to be afraid... just aware... that I had killed before, and would do so again if needed... by way of slipping in a window at 3 or 4 in the morning, and killing every single living thing in the house, and then burning it to the ground, or burying them all in the back yard... and then I told him that if he EVEN LOOKED at my house in a hostile manner, or that if ANYTHING happened to ANYONE in my family, (to include scraped knees) that I'd not only kill him and everyone in the house, but I'd go to PR and kill EVERY SINGLE LIVING MEMBER of his family, and dig up and desecrate the graves of his entire family, burn the family homestead to the ground, and salt the earth with Morton’s Finest.
And man, that’s when he sorta cracked.

The look on his face was great, as I used Marchinko-sans "in your fucking face" close in and personal manner and pinned him to the wall using my level 4 plate to crush his ribcage. Nose-to-Nose Full-Tilt-Boogie Eyeball –to-Eyeball skull fucking. GREAT fun if you’ve ever done it.

He was scared.... I could smell it. You, if you’ve ever been “in the shit” know the smell of a man in mortal terror. I knew then that I had won.

Then next day? My Mexican Puerto Rican back yard Neighbor that I call "El Mariachi" (b/c they play mariachi music LOUDLY at their parties) he's a retired E-7 and a buddy... he comes over and tells me that he had a visit from his cousin (who knew?) who asked him if I was as bad as I seemed... he told him "Hey Vato-Loco... that Grande Gringo is the BADDEST motherfucker on the planet, former SF, killed more men than Anthrax, and don't let nuthin happen while he's not there!"

Since then, the vehicle traffic has slowed to nothing, except for HIM leaving out to do his “business” and that it also helps I posed for pictures in the front yard with the kids and weapons.
Yeah. It would seem that things at home are mellow now, but it’s still really fucked up that I have to have this scum living in my AO, and that I had to employ some extreme measures to keep things from spiraling out of control. Seeings that I can’t be there to protect them, It freaks me out.

If ANYTHING were to happen, I can see me doing a “Frank Castle” ala the Punisher… I mean really, I just keep my prayers to the “Chief Sky Pilot” AKA GOD and that he keeps the fools from doing something stupid. So far, we’re good, but what with how things are in the US right now, I’m debating on heading home when and if we see a collapse of societal norms, and right now, I’m unfortunately banking on the “when” than anything else.

Otherwise… talk with you all later. Things are D&B (dead and boring) as they say, and nadda mucho happening. The next one I’ll post pics from outside the wire as it were.

Monday, December 15, 2008

OK Baghdad 2008

OK: Well, Michael Yon has left the building... Great guy, but seenings how boring thing are here, and how laid back things are here, I don't blame him so I'll take up the 'boring slack' as one would say. I have to report what I see.

Which truthfully isn't much. Beyond the kids begging treats and food, the Iraqi Parents who shoo the kids back from my truck, and the Army/Air Force/Navy troops who, to be truthful, are BORED, as there aint SHIT going on here.

OK: Bush's visit caused a bit of a 'localized uproar' in the respect that they set up "safety checkpoints" all over post... as in look at your licence, see your lease (if applicable) and make sure the vehicle isnt stolen, and other such ephmerea, but the thing that alerted me (I hadn't seen the news) that SOMEONE important was on post was that we had uparmored vehicles at every bloody corner on post, lock n' loaded so to speak, and that the guys who did the 'safety inpections' were all Sergeant Majors Or First Sergeants.

Now the guy in the corner is trying to wave me down: "So what if they wer SGMs or 1stSGTs?"

OK Poindexter: A 1st Shirt or SMAG as he's known, is an E-8 and E-9 respectively. These guys are responsible for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than making sure some shithead contractor has his seat belted, or that his paperwork is in line... when these guys are out, running roadblocks, it means some shit is in the wind in a MAJOR way.

Such is what alerted me to the POTUS visit. I didn't actually learn of it until the late evening, but my first thought was that SOMEONE important was in town, as the same thing happened when Rumsfeld rolled thru in 04. Needless to say, I was glad this morning at oh-dark early when I literally saw Air Force One leave... Imeant life would go back to normal.

On the shoe throwing incident. I have to explain, seeing that people in the sattes doen't get what it means. To the Iraqi people, what that goombah did was MASSIVELY symbolic. The Iraqis consider the bottome of the foot, or the shoe, to be as dirty as an unwiped asshole. To them, showing the bottom of your feet is as bad an insult as you can give, and to throw one's shoes at someone, while calling them a dog, is THE ULTIMATE insult. Truthfully, if this was Saddam's Iraq, said reporter would have been taken out back and shot in the back of the head, and his wife raped, then killed, and his relatives fed into a woodchipper... its that serious an insult. The note being the footage shot of that toppling of the Saddam Statue, where the locals where beating the head with a shoe... its part of the local culture... for them/us to blow it off is a BAD move... anyways... fuck it, I'm feeling good, as I've reconnected with various Jordanian connections, so more late.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Back To Baghdad

Been a few weeks since I last posted, but what the hell, it's been a busy few weeks. Work continues with me putting in about 14 hours a day (I contracted 40 a week) but shit, I'm supporting Joe, and because of that I'm good. I mean it's not always about the money. (waitaminute, did I say that? There goes my 'mercenary street cred!') Currently, my gig is doing the logistical side (mainly tracking and issue) of the new VSAT terminals the Military has bought. It’s something that the Army needs, and if my small contribution helps to keep the mission up, and people alive, then hell, I can't ask for better than that. Most of the guys that we are dealing with are people who are far out on the edge of nowheresville. Essentially the idea is that we're providing Sat Equipment that allows them to communicate with higher. Any more info would be dangerous, so I'll leave it as that... Needless to say The Old IR of Note and Fame is digging being back in the thick of things, and proud of being able to help out the Joes and Joe-ettes who are on the tip of the spear.

And as I have found, that spear here is dull. Not in a bad way, but sort of from 'high use' as one would say. Meaning that I either very foolishly or very bravely (your pick here, as I know what my Mom would say) decided the other day to take a trip outside the wire. Now mind you, the areas I went to are very familiar to me, as 'back in the day' of 04 and 05 I used to roll through there regularly. Also, when me and Lil Country rolled, we'd be up armored wearing our shit, minus helmet, and carrying a vast array of insane weapons to 'repel boarders.'

Now... sheeeeeeeet... not so much. I went out, with some trepidation mind you, without so much as a sidearm or automatic weapon, and my body armor and helmet have been living on a rack in my house since I got here, despite the ONE time I >might< have needed it. Yeah... As they said in "Full Metal Jacket" something about the "Crazy Brave" or some such shit. Anyways, I digress... Yeah I rolled out ECP 5 (entry control point) and went out into the "wilds" of Route Irish. Route Irish back in 04 and 05 was so bad that the exact quote in Newsweek Magazine was "...the most dangerous section of highway in the known universe."

Now, not so much. The Iraqis have replanted all of the trees in the middle center between the highway that were uprooted after the Dirty Haj had used them to hide IEDS. The road was littered with Billboards advertising I have-no-fucking-clue what as they are all in Arabic, but the fact that every 500 meters or so a billboard was present, whereas back in the day, they would NOT have been there. It's like the country has come back to life. The walls that Saddam put up around what’s now called Camp Slayer are decorated with MAD paintings showing what appears to be the past, present and future of Iraq by the artists point of view. The thing that cracks me up the most is that in the 'future paintings' is they show a monorail like you'd see in Disney as part of the future... Wishful thinking I know, but still it shows the hope these jokers have. I'll stop next time as I now know I won't get killed out there and I'll post the pics of the paintings, provided I can... as I never know when the Dirty Haj may appear, and I'd probably feel better once I get a 'Roscoe' or two on hand... never get complacent, and as my Dad and Robert Heinlein would say "Watch out for Stobor!"

But on this trip, I rolled to BIAP. The Baghdad International Airport is now a major hub of travel here. More people coming in than going, which is a major change. Lots of 'returnees' as they call them at the guard post. My Ugandan isn't too good, but the guards english was good enough, and he told me that more and more they see the Iraqis coming back from their self imposed exile. Good on them if they can manage.

I also found the ONE bar thats around here. The "Sinbad Bar and Grill" where, contrary to General Order #1, a dude can find Heineken one liters for $6 bux USD. God Bless Consumer Demand!!!! They also have all sorts of booze, from Johnny Blue to Red, and Jack and Beam as well, and a goodly assortment of rums and even Dom if you got the geld for it. I was madly impressed. The place is vaguely reminiscent of a John LeCarr Novel, what with the CIA-NSA-CID and other types of Personal Security Detachment types roaming through, and it's located at the Baghdad International Airport Hotel and Convention center. (Please ensure you check your weapons with the concierge as no guns are allowed in the bar.) I thought the sign was a nice touch. Me, I had a beer... Only because I was driving, but DAYYYYYUM if'n that wasn't a premium beer!!! The Hotel is supposedly doubling as a whorehouse, but I didn't bother to check that side of things. I figure Mama got enough for me when I get home, and why tempt fate?

So anyways, I then rolled into Baghdad Proper. Up Route Irish, and I saw a couple of convoys doing the 'daily-daily' run in and around. My biggest problem cruising the neighborhoods was I didn't have anything to throw to the kids... kids kept running up truck EXPECTING goodies.. I ended up throwing Life Savers Big Mints and then when those ran out, cigarettes and receiving big smiles... It was so nice to see it like that... back in 04-05 they would have thrown rocks, or grenades even. Now, it's back to the "Capture of Baghdad Mode" again, and we're better for it.

Then, after, back to base, where I was welcomed to the air raid sirens. Nothing like the sound of the air raid sirens going off to pucker one's bunghole tight. Turns out "THIS IS A TEST"... wish they'd announce that BEFORE they run the siren up... instead I find myself scrambling for the armor and helmet (amazing how quick one can don 75 pounds of BS when one needs to?) only to have the All clear test message sound. Really nice of them to run it first, thereby inducing heart attack #3...

Things here besides the Army scaring the living shit out of me are good. I'm in a groove and digging it. Living in my old house has been somewhat of a nice thing, as it's not on any known trajectories for incoming (The Haj usually launch from the same areas... part of the reason we haven’t had any real incoming with the exception of that one) and I'm comfortable. Rest assured, the Intrepid Reporter is NOT complacent by any means however, case in point the scramble for the body armor. Nice to have the 'good stuff' with me this time and having all my own gear is also a smiley face. Happiness would truly be achieved if I had my Trusty Roscoe on the nightstand, but eh, who needs it? Not like The Haj are coming 'round here anymore... Hell, the Iraqi Army LIVES in my neighborhood... how the world changes eh?
But for now, after having made it back, I stil have more work do to, so I gotta cut it short, so Look for me later. Until then I remain, The Intrepid Report, Big Country

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Bomber: In Memorium

I got bad news last night. My faithful parter, the first dog I ever had and worked with, Bomber, was put down this past weekend. My Mother had the duty as she and my Dad have been his caretakers since his 'retirement' as a military dog and since I've been overseas. My Mom, is, of course devastated. My Dad, who is fighting cancer, is in a similar state. I sent this as part of an email that I thought I'd share, as it's probably the best way to memorialize him, and help my Mom get through this tough time:

"Bomber was a force of nature that touched all of our lives, and will be greatly missed. Please don’t go hard on yourself about having to perform that task. If anything, he himself would appreciate the love and compassion that you showed in helping him into the next phase of whatever we go to after this. He was the greatest dog that I have ever had the privilege to know and love. He would TOTALLY understand the what and whys, and as he was a ‘soldier’ in his own right as a military trained dog, I think he would appreciate the ideal that MacArthur put forth that “Old Soldiers never die, they just fade away.” You allowed him to fade away with his dignity intact, and his next phase will allow him to blossom in the hereafter, as a spirit like his can never fade, but only grow stronger. "

Requiet in Pace, Old Freind, May we meet again.

Monday, December 1, 2008

How We Won the War (the stuff the media won't tell you)

Lots of people have been asking me "Big Country, how do you know we've won? I mean you got shelled the other day. What makes you so smart?"

OK: Well... to start with, it's the little things that show me that we've won.

1) The Iraqi Parliment (according to my sources) stated that the Status of Forces Agreement has been pretty much approved. Word is that despite the tantrums of the High Weirdbeard Mockretard Al Sadist, they want us here for another 3 years to insure stabilization, and that we're going to be supporting the Iraqis, rather than going it with the Coilition Forces and ourselves. The shelling that we took was a prime example of said aforementioned tantrum.

2) The Iraqis are finally starting to handle the business end of things. We have a huge number of Iraqi Troops in our area, which was unheard of not too long ago. We've helped them to stand up, and they are doing so on their own.

3) US casualties, for the most part, are finished. We're still going to lose some I'm afraid to say, but then again, we lose people all over the world. Every year we lose people in Korea on the DMZ and in other unpleasant places... We lost one guy when I was in Kuwait to a 1990s landmine for that matter...its a fact of life of the Soldier... They don't like it, I don't like it, but the reality is if we were to leave tomorrow morning, the Iraqis would still be taking care of things regardless.

4) Business and commerce is growing. I have 3 different cell phone companies to choose from... in fact of the matter, the Iraqi cell phone company Iraqna was bought out by the Kuwaiti Zain company. They know things are stable as they are investing because cell phones are THE ONLY decent means of communicxations right now, at least until the infrastructure for a regular landlines gets put in, but then again, this might not even happen, as we are in the digital age nowadays.

5) BAIP, Baghdad International Airport is flying so many damned commercial flights its insane. 24-7 we got tons of planes coming in and heading out, and going to the airport is just like back in the states, albeit in a post 911 world as the guards are armed with AK-47s. Still, in 2004-05, The airport was a shell, gutted and no one except the duty free operatiing, and that was only because it was the only source of booze in the country. Me and Lil Country have pics of us carrying our rifles in the airport, which at the time really tripped us out to be in an international airport, and here we are carry friggin AKs through like it was an everyday occurance. If I tried that shit now, I'd probably be arrested.

6) The people of Iraq, specifically the kids and parents, come up to the patrols of ours and offer thanks, much like they did in 03-04 before that retard weirdbeard started calling for Jihad. The "regular folks" don't want us to leave, as we mean stability and more importantly MONEY. We keep the wheels greased by creating jobs and keeping things rolling. Lots of my guys here have no issue running foot patrols with the Iraqis (where they play back up) and the locals are happy.

7) The supposed 'ethnic/religious cleansing' that went on is and was mostly bullshit. The problem that people don't know or realize was that it wasn't a religious ploy per se. What no one understands is that Abu Ghraib prison WAS a prison before we even got here, filled with the scum of Iraq. Saddam opened the doors and let them all out... it'd be the equivalent of letting the prison population of San Quentin loose into New York City... imagine the level of crime there would be if that happened, and there were NO cops and NO military available to quell/kill/or round up the scumbags? Thats essentially what happened, and they disguised it by wrapping themselves in the cloak of Islam, and the Mullahs were more than happy to let them do so, as it kept their hands relatively clean.

The best way to equate this is to the former Yugoslavian Republic. It took them 10 years to stop slaughtering each other, and that was with no outside assistance really. The UN is a worthless bunch of cowardly US hating fucking scum who rape children and traffic in slavery. The UN isn't hasn't and won't do anything, and its up the US to lead the way.

Our Media won't even show themselves here. It's too risky. I know that if given half a chance I'd beat the ever living shytte out of a reporter from the New York Times, and I KNOW that the troops of the line would as well. Better that the NYT realize that the fat beeeeatch has sung, and start realizing that the vets of this war are begining to outnumber their reading population.
As far as the War, Here Endeth The Lesson.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Maybe I spoke to fucking soon....

The IR here again for a short update... Man... WTF is it about me and speaking my fucking mind? I must have been born brain damaged or under a fucked up sign... Here I am, Back In Baghdad, formwerly known as the Saddam-A-Go-Go, and things have been quiet.

Too quiet as it were.

Last Evening we're out having our first bar-b-que, and yes, the famous "Big Country Ribs" were being featured. Granted, I was showing off my culinary skills, and the fact that I'm out at 8 at night, bbq'in and theres nothing happening except good food, cool drinks and some cute babes rolling through, well, all was good and happy. I even commented on how absolutely quiet it's been, which of course just like in the movies, means the fucking killer/monster/whatever is about to jump out within a minute.....


Followed by a long line of what appeared to be laser fire of rubies tracing across the sky... and then of course the obligatory siren, and of course, the follow on "Crump!" of the shell hitting. Yep.

We had our first Mortar attack since fucking June tonight, and it spooked me minorly… as in not the mortar round but the fucking CIWS gatling gun ripping loose… I didn’t expect that shit and damned if I didn’t jump a mile… they never had that shit in 04 and 05, so damn dude… what a surprise that shit was. I was more frightened by the defensive outgoing than the fucking incoming! LMAO!!! Go figure that its on a night I’m partying (first time since I’ve been here) that the fucking Dirty Haj lob a shell at us… fuckers…

It seems the outgoing is the one thing that the navy provides here on many bases as defensive arty as one would say.

Some mad genius decided that the Phalanx AEGIS Close In Weapons System that defends our boats from incoming missles might work when mounted on the ground... which is exactly what they did. They took 'em of decommissioned boats and put 'em on a flatbed. a 20mm Gatling cannon mounted and when the radar, if it has time to catch it, lets this fucking madman's creation Spray out a wall of lead in the direction of the incoming round. Now, a great idea, an excellent concept, but as I heard last night, it doesn't always get the incoming... in this case, judging from the 'crump' of impact, I'd say it was because it was a small mortar, probably a 60mm... no larger.

And it figures that the Dirty Haj had to do this shit on my first night of partying... go figure huh? The light show was pretty, but damn, like I said, I was moore spooked by the outgoing than the incoming. Where you figure that the mix is usually one-in-five tracer to regular round, and what I saw would put George Lucas to shame, God Bless the Navy and the mad appetite of that 20mm Monster. I'd hanker they probably with that 'squirt' of 6 second fired about 2000 rounds. Like I said... I was more spooked by the outgoing than the incoming.

The good news (thusfar) is that there was no apparent injuries and the round just was one of those "Hey assholes we're still here." harassments. I'll be happy when they go out and nuke the part of town that it was lobbed from, as it's in a direct line from my trailer, and the last thing I want is the Dirty Haj to be lobbin any more shells over my crib ya know?

Otherwise, more later.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Victory In Iraq

Bob Owens and a slew of other have pretty much declared the 22nd as "Victory in Iraq" day and I couldn't agree more. It's so quiet here I overslept this morning, and I think I'll have a lazy Sunday, so check out Bob at and enjoy the fact that I'm safe, sound and realistically mellow here.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oh Wow man.... Like WOW!

OK ladies and gents of the studio viewing audience... I'm in Baghdad and my brain is somewhere in the Matrix, and I'm sure somewhere in there I went completely friggin bonkers... either that or I'm sitting in a padded cell somewhere waiting in a haze for the docs to come in and either dose me with my next med or to complete the lobotomy... I'll explain as we go...

OK... when last we left the Intrepid Reporter of Baghdad Fame, he was overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and yes, even the smells of Baghdad. To whit, 2 out of the 3 things have changed, and 1 hasn't. I'll give you a hint... back in the day, ('04 to '05) Lil Country and I used to begin the day with the following scene:
Scene One:
Setting: The cab of a Ford F250 King Cab, two contractors Big Country and Lil Country climb in and start the vehicle.
Big C, (sniffing air loudly): "Dude, did you shit?"
Lil C, (looking offended): "Naw dude, that’s just Iraq!"
Yes, the smells are still the same, a piquant aroma of burning plastic, trash and the heady undercurrent of urine and dried human feces... think of an open sewer, then add some 'spice' to it. Nice huh? However, it’s the ONLY thing that remains the same.

The changes here are insane. No gunfire other than the ranges, which seem to be going on almost ALL the time. I can tell a range from a gunfight as the range has nice orderly pauses in the automatic fire... time for them to reload and aim carefully for the next set of targets. The sounds of a running gunfight tends to blend together and multiple calibers can be easily distinguished... as they said in Heartbreak Ridge "That is the sound of the AK-47 assault rifle, the preferred weapon of our enemy, which makes a distinctive sound when fired at you!" Truer words have never been spoken. So anyways, the ranges are going full time, and amazingly, the Iraqi Army is ALL over the place, and not only that, they are NOT wearing baclavas.

The dork in the back wants to know what a baklava is and why would the Iraqis be wearing Greek Pastry? Sheesh it takes all fucking kinds don’t it? OK. The baclava is pretty much a ski mask ok? Difference between a ski mask and a tactical baclava is that a tactical one is usually made of nomex, which (theoretically) is fireproof, or at least extremely fire resistant and flash resistant. Important things in the soldiering biddness as it were. The importance here is the Iraqis, besides not wanting to lose their rather copious eyebrowz is that they needed to hide their identities. The fact is, back in 04 and 05, if a dude was ID’d as an Iraqi National Guard or Police working with the dirty Invading Christian American Crusaders (their words, not mine!) then not only they would be at risk, but the cowardly fucks who were part of the insurgency would go after their families, hence the need to cover up and hide their identities.

Not anymore however. All the guys I saw going out to do the dirty to the bad guys last night were wearing only Body Armor and weapons… and quite a few fucking weapons I might add. All were carrying M-4 or M-16s which shows how far they’ve come from the days of the ubiquitous AK 47. They looked professional, and truth be told, mean as fuck. Like pissed off and ready to take back and KEEP their country. I wish I could feel bad for the insurgents, but I can’t so fuck ‘em!

Other things… ah yes.. part of the reason I’m sure I’m in a padded cell somewhere… well I was staying for a short period of time (my ‘acclimatization’ as it were) out at another company’s AO. That was good until I was evicted to Camp Victory… specifically Camp Liberty. I had to go down to the ‘Mayors’ Cell’ which is sort of the control and commander for all of the trailer parks here in the base. I went in and the kindly Master SGT hooked me up with a room. The trailer in question is supposed to be close to where I’m constructing a base of operations for the new company. The key had “6-441A-B” written on it which means Pad 6, Trailer 441, room either A or B.

Pad 6 is where I used to live in 04 and 05. I wasn’t prepared however, for the shocker of a lifetime, which goes to prove that I’m either permanently insane, or I’m actually in the Matrix, inside a tube or red goo with wires up my ass, powering a super genius computer or some such shit.

441 was the EXACT SAME TRAILER AND ROOM I lived in back in 04 and 05.

I’m officially ‘blown away’ now because of this. I’m temporarily in what used to be Lil Country’s “Blue Room” until I can move back into what we used to call “The Ponderosa” come Sunday. My old room is currently being used by some of our temp help, so Sunday I move back “Home” so to speak. Tell me I’m not tripping please?

Ok, besides that, I’ll go into some more later without compromising security. Needless to say, this is the EASIEST money I’ve ever made, and the danger is FAR over rated. I’ll holler more soon, and until then, I remain, The Intrepid Reporter.

Monday, November 17, 2008

OK... Where am I again?

Jesus wept. You go to sleep on an airplane that stated the destination as "Baghdad" and you wake up somewhere over the fucking rainbow...

Yepper dear readers, the Intrepid Reporter is back in Baghdad... formerly known as the "Club Saddam-A-Go-Go" and it being the favorite third world shooting gallery for Al Queda and the other refuse from the Slums of Syria and Pitfalls of Palestine... well let me tell you... things changed


Got me a hunch that the current IR Reports are going to be a hell of a lot more boring than my writings of yesteryear in '04 and '05. Hell, even '06 with the "Today I washed my sox and my ass during a rocket attack." being the highlights are going to seem positively electric compared to this snoozefest.

INSANELY changed doesn’t begin to describe this place. I’ve landing in Baghdad under fire before and watched random acts of anti-aircraft fire overhead as the locals would try and unsuccessfully utilize old triple a flak guns… I’ve seen Baghdad under lock and key so to speak throughout 04 and 05. NUTHIN and I do mean NUTHIN can begin to describe the change. Quick observations included the fact that the city was all lit up where it had never been before. Try standing on the runway and not having to worry about random acts of rockets, mortars and suchlike. Try no body armor seen on anyone anywhere since I’ve been here… This place is so laid back its stupid... Hell the place I'm currently dossing used to be considered "Indian Country" back in '04... as in the insurgents used to infiltrate through this very area that I'm staying in and try to ambush mo'fo's as they tooled down the hardball...

Either way, my itty bitty mind is officially stated in the condition of "Blown" and I have NO idea what tomorrow will hold. I'll do a more in depth analysis later. Until then, I'll holler atcha.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

More and More Fun...

Election night and man, I'm wasted... so far as it would seem from my perspective that this election is doing EXACTLY the thing that the DummycRats cried about in '04 and '00. That being that the candidate who won the 'popular election' should have been given the reins of power...

Wonder how long THAT particular bit, as my Irish Gran would call a "pile o' shytte" will last once the Obamamessiah has won the electoral but not the popular vote? Amazing how the memory hole works that way eh? Lets face it... the media will call ANYONE a sore loser who attempts to link the election to a popularity contest... either that or by dawn they'll have jiggered the tally to show the "Chosen One" won the whole shebang.

My guess is that Obama will win, unfortunately. In as much as the average brain dead college student and minorities have jumped on the band wagon... seeing the highest amount of minority turnout in history... evar as they say, well, Judging that "Guilt Ridden Libtards" and the rest of the minorities (as in minorities compared to the rest of the country) have this all sewn up. The fact is that NY and CA and some of the biggest states have what I consider a far to heavy weight in the voting block. Reality is that we should be able to cut that by 1/2 in order for it to be particularly 'fair and balanced.'

But fuck, I'm drunk and rather pleased. I bought Household 6 a new fridge today... new/used would be a better term. Shes insanely pleased as its only six months old... we bought it from freinds who decided that Florida wasn't the place for them. They moved here from Massachusetts only like six or eight months ago and are bailing...right before winter... leaving HERE for where it snows or already has snowed... Here where some broads still wear short shorts on the daily walk...


Yeah... me too. However, the good side is I profit. As Lt. JG Nicholas Holden said in "Operation Petticoat": "In confusion, there is profit!" New fridge anyone? This also allowed me to make a small purchase for myself... tit for tat so to speak. Specifically: I bought myself a new M-4 Carbine.

Yepper... note to you guys out there with domestic issues... if you want to buy a new fishing rod/gun/bowling ball... buy her a new fridge/washer/dryer/dishwasher... after that you could buy a massage from a Chinese whore and get away with it.

So yeah, new gun, new fridge and hey fuck it, new president... either way two out of three ain't bad I suppose. The latest is that I'm out of here on Saturday Morning for Fort Benning Georgia. No fucking fun with that. I'd rather sit in the front row of a Liza Minelli concert... wait wait wait... scratch that... I'd have to self-immolate myself before that would happen. The plan stands that I'm going to be over in Baghdad on November 16th. The BEST part is I'm flying first class all the way. It's nice to have finally gotten the brass ring so to speak. I hope like hell things stay relatively stable for the next few months as I'm trying to angle this gig into a job that will allow me to go overseas and continue to come home waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more regularly for fun and games as one would say.

Anyways... enough for now... Later I'll go into how the Obama Election is helping the firearms industry...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Booze and Beer RULE!!!

OK: Lately it's NOT the most sobrietious set of postings... to be clean about it, I've been fucked up from the neck up nonstop since I've been home. Booze is your friend... booze is good. The only real complaint I have is because of genetic mutation (Lots of inbreeding in the Irish side of the family tree) is that I have four, count 'em FOUR (4) fully formed and functional kidneys. They found them during my full body MRI a few years back... a bit uncommon, but not unheard of. Yep... the old IR has an extra 100K worth of organs floating around in his carcass, leastways according to my Indian friends who know about Black Market Organ Transplants. I've been told that as a white male, under the age of 40, well, lets just say my organs are worth about 50 grand a shot. Well, that might be fine n' dandy for the folks who NEED a kidney, but the 'normal route' of hijacking and "Drugging and Carving" ain't happening on my watch. Hell... I look forward to some demented asshole who thinks that they can either A) Drug Me or B) Cut out my shit while I'm still breathing. Either choice is an "E Ticket" ride to the morgue. Drugging me? HA HA HA!!! Drugging me is only going to piss me off AND get me high. And B)? Bad move. Especially since I've now officially killed more motherfuckers than Anthrax. (and that means the bio-war agent, not the 80's hair band) Who wants to party?

Me? Well I'm personally annoyed that my internal 'filtration system' is so good that it costs me double the amount in booze and bucks that it should to get me boogered, but hell, what with a "4 Barrel Carb" versus a "2 Barrel Carb" I'll take the extra like any other dude would. Besides, it means like NO hangovers thusfar. This is worth the price of admissions for now.
OK Otherwise, I've been getting prepped for the new gig and ready to deploy downrange. This Pic here posted is of me and my daughter. My Pnut as it were. Any sick fucker out there had better realize that if they even LOOK at her askance, I'll slowly roast them over an open fire for fun. (And I do mean slowly... never, ever test an insane person... it only sets new goals for us to exceed) The rifle is my Accuracy International 300 Winchester Magnum which will reduce a normal human's head to a vaporized paste with one shot.

Anyone want to dance?

It cost near as much as my pickup, but then again, a contractor needs good tools... mine just happen to kill at extreeeeeeeeeme distances and with explosive force. (300 Win. Mag. is a big fucking bullet!)

NOW Speaking of insane shit... I recently had to bag out of my 20th High School Reunion because of the new mission. I posted my lil web blog on the reunion website in hopes that some of my former classmates might find this fun and entertaining. The others, well, we'll leave that there... better not to speak of some seriously fucked up people. And, yeah, you know who you are, and you are alive STRICTLY because I have a forgiving nature.

My reason is, as I spoke earlier of my sniper training (One Shot, One Kill, Ft Benning) and propensity for long distance harm, when thinking about my reunion and High School in general, I remembered the scene from "Billy Madison." Specifically the scene with Steve Buscemi as the geek who was picked on 'way back in the day' that Billy eventually phones and apologizes to. Yeah... I totally was that kid, meaning the picked on bastard... Buscemi then crosses him "off the list" and as the movie works to the finale, Buscemi actually shoots the 'bad guy' who was on the head of the list. Thats great in fantasy... with me, I would have shot them both through the fucking casaba and felt nothing but recoil...

Me, I never made a list, but in the back of my head, particularly as I was a "geek" or an "untouchable" its a good thing I don't hold a hardcore grudge, or leastways have mellowed enough for me to NOT hold a grudge. Realistically, these days, I've found God, and my family. If I didn't have that, then it'd be a whole different world...

Keep in mind to be kind...

I drill my kids on it every day. Needless to say, I never recieved that "phone call asking for forgiveness" and realistically, I'm still bent over some of the shit I went through. The fact that our 20th reunion is now, it's brought back some memories that STILL fucking piss me off, and that that some of the fucking scumbags who were TOTAL fucking cocksmiths to me NEVER got the proper payback... well, hell... I'm still bitter, pissed off, and NOW thankful for a government who trained me to be a stone cold fucking killer... I'll leave it to G*d now... vengence being His and all that... unless I get picked to be His tool... But anyways...

Lets be thankfull that I've mellowed out in my old age AND that I can't make the reunion as I'll be 'busy' in the Middle East. As some say, Thank G*d for small favors. I hope the reunion goes well, but I'm also glad to NOT be there as I really would have trouble resisting the urge to beat the fucking shit out of certain individuals or shoot them outright because as my wife says, I lack impulse control over my base emotions.

Anyways, not to go too pyschoanalytical... High School for most people sucked, but for me, I'd rather spend four years in Guantanamo Bay as a prisoner... and I say this as a former jailer... thats how bad it was. As the Irish say (which I am) "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Drunkblogging and Other Entertainment


I'm back... back and loaded. Locked, Cocked and Loaded with bile and ammo to spare. I'm back in the fucking God Bless America Fuck the Rest of the World United States of Fuckin' America. And if the overuse of profanity offends you, then fuck you, you shouldn't be reading this then.

Reality Check: I got out of Kuwait by doing whats called an "Executive Email Carpet Bomb." This means I sent a "Hey I'm getting fucked" email to the CEO, the CFO, the COO and every single asshole who was an Executive Vice President in the ENTIRE company. Yeah... I sent out a "Hey I'm quitting but are you aware that your dirty assed employees are doing shit that could get you put in jail?" email. That and the lines of "I'm CC'ing my Lawyer and My Brother the Special Agent at the Office of the Inspector General as well." might have had something to do with it.

Now, granted, Hud ain't part of the Department of Defense Inspector General's Office, but he IS an I.G. Special Agent (read Nazi Bastard in the Governments lingo) and by his own words "knows people" and that might have helped me out. The reason being that a Special Agent in the Orifice of The Inspector General is about as popular as a fat bitch at a Catholic Junior High School dance... someone has to dance with her, and if you don't then yer fucked. Namedropping Hud's name and position is a major help in my line of work, especially as they, my crooked assed former employers, knew that to chance having and IG look at them it to invite disaster.

So, last week on Thursday I hit the US and have been drunk since. Drunk and laid I might add. Yep. Been physically assaulting with the intent to impregnate if I had the option. Not that I have to worry about making a baby as I got chopped long ago after kinder #2, as the P'Nut shortly showed up, but trying is 90% of the fun involved.

Today I started with my new company. Got treated like Royalty too.... Mr Big Country as they were calling me... I'll fill you in on it later, but so far, so good. I'll cut this short as I'm working on Buzz Number 20 now, but I'll try to give some political views later... Lots going on, and I found out my Military Mail In Vote was propbably shitcanned... so the election shows that it's goiung to be crooked as hell, and I'll get into it later. Until then, Peace and Party Time!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Well I can't say I didn't warn 'em!

Well I said in my last posting I was going to get 'stupid' on them. They really didn't quite understand that I'm a lot smarter than they give me credit for. As the Great Strategist Sun Tzu wrote: "One who knows the enemy and knows himself will not be in danger in a hundred battles." Loosely and freely interpreted, it means that by knowing the enemy and oneself, one is on solid ground tactically and strategically speaking.

Well, Stanley ASSociates has since the begining underestimated me, and thought that I'm just a "Big Ole Dumb Redneck" and not too sharp in ye old brains department. How unfortunate for them. After my rant the other night concerning the "BOHICA" (Bend Over Here It Comes Again) events of the past few days, I figured it was time to drop a grenade or two on the Higher Ups. Specifically, I did what every person thinks about doing, but rarely does.

I went online and found the Top Six Executives at Stanley ASSociates and their respective emails. I then crafted a very intelligent and pointed email and essentially threw the entire chain of command under Ye Old Bus... As in Tossed them without any benefit of any redemption except to get me the fuck out of here ASAFP. I figured that it was only fair to bitch as high as I could go, seeing that they really won't do shit for me here. I figgered that they wanted to fuck me, so it was only fair that I return the favor in spades. I emailed the CEO, CFO Executive VPs, all four of them. Suck on that fuckers!

And as they say... for my next trick: If I don't get what I want, I'm posting all them lovely email addys up here on my Blog with the intention of letting you, the Valued Readers express your contempt for these douchebags. If it works out, I'll just let it go. Escalation is such an ugly thing, but in this case, it seems to be doing JUST what I want... which is hopefully getting the hell out of here.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Now I'm Pissed

OK... I come over here and work my ass off for the better part of the past two fucking years... It'll be two years January 23rd to be specific. I've been over here and only home 3 times int he past two years. Granted, one trip for three months, so the two year arguement to certain assholes, specifically Corporate Assholes type many each, doesn't count.
Well... since I fucking quit, I've now been royally fucked over. To the extent that they didn't tell me my passport was held up by the Kuwaitis, (I already covered that earlier) and NOW it would seem the company doesn't want to pay for my airfare home.

Their answer? The Freedom Bird.
Yep. They wanted me to fly out on a military plane... a chartered military plane... as in "Fly-By-Night Airlines." To the uninitiated, a favorite 'sport' of retired Air Farce Generals is to go out on retirement, and buy up aging L-1011 Tri-Stars and DC-9s and get them just airworthy enough to fly charters for the military. Omni Airlines is one prime example. Another example was Arrow Air... better known for Flight 1285 which killed 258 members of the 101st Airborne Division in Gander Newfoundland in '83 when a DC-8 they were flying decided it didn't want to fly no more and the subsequent crash wiped out nearly one Battalion of the Best Airborne Soldiers in the world... Any wonder why I don't want to fly with this? Besides the fact that the charter will be overloaded with soldiers who are headed home... The majority of them don't want to be around a 'scumbag contractor' after 18 months in the desert.
Not only that, but to add TOTAL insult to these already fucked up proceedings, usually they pick a 'detail' of soldiers AND contractors to load the belly of the plane... Yep... Old Man-You-El Labor time. I got picked once... rather conned would be a better description. My first trip over with CACI, Little Country and Me got told that if we did baggage detail we'd have the first class comfy seats for our trip as a reward. Foolishly we believed these fucking douchebags only to find out after that the plane had like 35 Colonels that took said big comfy seats as a perogative of rank. When we landed in Kuwait after flying in the cheap seats, we then had the priviledge of UNLOADING the fucking plane again. Difference was Me and Lil Country found some of the Colonel's Duffel Bags, and seperated them from the other Joes' Luggage. Needless to say after we finished peeing in the bags, we felt both much refreshed, and happier knowing that in theory we had pissed on them's who done pissed all over us, if even in absentia. Looking back, I wish I had gone with the urge to take a dump in it too, but thats neither here nor there. By the way... also: because it's a military charter flight it means no fucking booze!!!!! Is that just fucking wrong or is it just me?
Yeah... so anyways, they 'tried' to book me on this past Friday's Freedom Bird Flight. It runs every Friday. Come to find out... Oops! They missed the deadline because THEY didn't get me to resolve the Passport issue soon enough, and hey, while you're at it, wait til next week. Without pay. And by the way, we're taking back all your bonus money this pay period too... because we feel like it. Fuck you and you will like it.
Yep. They want me to wait til next week. Fucking douchebags. Fucking the new company I'm with has been WAITING on me for like ever, and this old company doesn't give a shit. I mean granted, I quit. But they have some responsibility you would think to get me home promptly right? Not a fucking chance. My next move is to either sue them if I lose this new gig, or actually, my next one is to post ALL the private information I can get online here and fuck them up. I'll leave it for now, but if they really fuck me over, I'll poist home phone number, anything and let the internet go wild on their asses. Fuck them is what I say.
And just for the record... My Current Asshole Company is;
so fuck them. Miserable cocksuckers. Can you believe that this company was listed as one of the Top Ten Companies to work for by Forbes Magazine? What a crock of shit. I'll try and contact Forbes Tonight and see what they say. Until my next, I'll be here.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I Loath this Place

Yes... Loathing... as in Fear and Loathing... a Great Man once utilized that term to describe certain aspects of his observations. I myself find it an apt comparison to how I currently feel. The main reason is I found out exactly WHY I'm still stuck in this horrid place.

It would seem, those of you who have been 'tuned in' for the past year or so would be familiar with the issue at hand... well hell let me explain from the beginning. Back in December, Christmas Eve specifically, I got in a haymaker of a car wreck with a Kuwaiti... a real live Kuwaiti. Said accident left me with about a pound and a half of extra metal in ye olde kneecap and an extra zipper to go along with the extra assholes I carry as well. (Note to the uninitiated, shrapnel scars tend to look like a puckered asshole) Well... the accident and subsequent quarter of a million dollars worth of knee reconstruction weren't enough to cover my recovery as it were.

It seems that when my passport was turned into the Kuwaiti Minitry of Immigration, the computer lit up like a knocking shop cash register on pay day, which is exactly what it was... leastways for the fucking Kuwaitis. Seems that during my 'recovery' in the States, I was tried in absentia and found guilty of who the fuck knows what. Reason I say that is that today when I was at the Immigration office, the documentation that the broad behind the counter gave me to sign was all in Arabic with no translation. I had a 'fixer' from my sponsoring company who was with me and told me that signing it was ok, but I have my reservations. For all I know I was signing a document stating I molest Great Danes or that I was "Guilty of Driving While Being a Pork Eating Crusader-Infidel." Either way, besides me signing unknown documents in a strange and forbidden tongue, I also had to fork over KD $100 for the priviledge of getting out of this fucking country. That roughly translates to over $400 US Dollars... serious fucking greenbacks man... dinero I barely have to afford eh?

Fuck me... talk about the proverbial pound of fucking flesh. At least the bastards gave me a fucking reciept, albeit even it is in some strange arabic fucking scrawl... I really don't know what possessed me to sign and fork over the ducats, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stretch out whats already been a long overdue escape.

Once I paid off, I raced back to the work site so I could give the Admin lady the reciept and let her copy it... No way am I giving up the original... that gets held onto as long as I'm still in this goddamned desert... but shge was really nice and it would seem that everythin g is in order, so I have great hopes that I'll be able to fly this weekend and get out of this place for some much deserved R&R. That and my Roomdawg hooked me some Siddique... Yeah... Back to drinking the lighter fluid again... I mean hell... at least I can enjoy the rest of myy day off.

Oh yeah... did I meantion that all of this shit happened on my fuckin day off? Yeah... NOW it's clear why I'm so salty... anyways... More later... Til then, I remain the Disgruntled IR...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

OK Something a bit different...

Anyone who knows me knows I love cartoons. I grew up habitually reading the daily comic strips, the sunday funnies and had quite an extensive collection of comics. I still read these things on a regular basis... it's just now we call them "graphic novels" and other such things to justify being a grown man who reads comics. I say to hell with that. I read and still collect comics and all other assorted illustrated ephemera that goes along with them. My personal favorites however are Looney Toons and all the other Classics like Tom and Jerry and I have the DVD collections to prove it.

Now imagine my surprise when I was surfing the other day and came across an article in the Daily Mail website detailing the artistic works of one James Cauty. His gig is to 'reinvent' classic 'toons with a new story and put a new 'spin' on them. The basis of the article was how bloody violent and horrible these images were, and was cautioned as to these aspects before being able to view them in the slideshow. My reaction? It's about damned time someone did this with cartoons. Violent? Yep. Bloody? Yep. Funny? Fuck yeah! I laughed my balls off when I saw them, and figured I have to share as this is too good to let slide by. As we see from this first:
Who hasn't wanted to see that fucking Roadrunner get his? I know in all the years of watching ole Wile E. I always wanted to see that smarmy cocky "Beep Beep" Bird get his. In the pic, you see that Cauty thought the same, and the others in his show seem to show that same "Finally they got what was coming to them!" attitude.
I mean how many times did we see Daffy in "Rabbit Season" get his head blown off? I mean myself, I always liked the Daffster more than any of the other Warner Toons. I mean he's so human. Venal, Twisted, Greedy and Grasping, he's just perfect. Cauty got this one right too. Bugs got it just a bit more radically than I would have done, but hell, it's not my art. Then, this next one we can all agree was "about time" as well:
Now I know it's an MGM Cartoon, but who hasn't wanted to see that self-righteous little fucking rat get his? I know I'm thrilled with the above... the look of satisfaction captured on Tom's face is just about right too... "Yeah... thats right... who's the cat and who's the rat? Yeah... Take THAT and THAT and THAT!!!" Hee.... God... But I saved the best for last. Try this:

Yeeeeeeah!!! "Tastes Great, Less Filling!" is the title I thought when I first saw this. I mean out of ALL the Looney Toons and out of ALL the people who I've ever talked to, almost to a person did everyone say that they positively LOATHED Tweety Bird. Between his 'widdle bird' voice that sounds like fingernails on a blackboard, to his constantly fucking over Sylvester, (who only wants to eat the little yellow bastard) FINALLY in this piece does Cauty put the final nail in Tweety's coffin so to speak. Sylvester finally gets to have himself a Tweety Snack.

Now... The funniest part about this? It seems in the "Big Brother Knows Best" nightmare that England has become, the article that I read and grabbed these images from are all a "Ooh how horrible and twisted" and " this will damage the youths who may see it." What a load of crap. Myself? I think the work is brilliant, and if I was in a position to do so, I'd be winging it to England to see the exhibition, if not outright purchase one of these 'new classics.' I just thought I had to share. Let me know what you think.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

OK... Again...When do I get to leave?

October is here, and I'm still stuck in Kuwait, working a job that's worn me down to the nub. Yes Dear Readers, The Intrepid Reporter, namely me, Big Country, is still here and even more retarded than usual. When we last left me, I was in the throes of a Siddique Induced Insanity, and hoping that the hangover wouldn't kill me. Good News, Bad News. Good News: The hangover didn't kill me, and yep, the Bad News is that the hangover didn't kill me. Que Sera Sera as they say.

I've been hoping to avoid any sort of politics as of late, but what with the insanity of our Elected Overlords pushing just about any sort of law that benefits Big Biddness or their Corporate Enslavers, what without any sort of oversight, or even giving two shits about how we, the "Common Gunclingers" feel about it. I mean really, the fact that we've essentially crossed the rubicion on the Constitution... crossed it with a vengeance, and that every person I've spoken with over here in Kuwait has pretty much said the same thing: They just don't give a shit about us anymore. My Kids Grandkids are going to be paying for this one... mark my words. The fact that they have set themselves up, and their families with enough financial padding that THEY don't want or need for anything. How about the common man? HA! Good fucking luck on that one pal. Anyways... Enough on the "Corporate Theft of Our Money" i.e. "The Bailout." It's enough to get my blood pressure into the red zone, and Lord knows, I don't need that.

Other things... Well Iraq is coming up soon. Hopefully these jokers here, my own Enslavers, will get off the fucking dime and get me some plane tickets. It's amazing how when I took this job, they couldn't get me over here fast enough. I mean like ZOOOOOOM fast. As in 'blink and you'll miss it' kind of super speed... Hell Ludicrous Speed as it were...

"Prepare for Ludicrous Speed!"

Yeah... I can't resist a Mel Brooks 'insert' but hey... it is true! They got me up and out of the gate like a damned Greyhound chasing that robo-rabbit. That was fine as I needed to earn some real money as opposed to the heavily taxed crap I was earning back at Dell. I mean what good is it to earn $40K a year and then have them take over 25% of it in taxes, if not more?

THATS the main reason I contract. Overseas money means (at least until the Obamamessiah gets elected) tax free money... which in itself is the basis for another ENTIRE subject for another time. I'll leave the Obamammama rants alone for now. Anywho... Like I said... I need for someone to get off the friggin dime and get me the hell out of here so I can have some "Quality Time" with my family. This means get me out of here so I can teach my kids how to shoot and drink enough beer to melt my cortex into my neck. That and -hopefully- spend some alone time with Household Six... even if this means sending the kids to the Demon-in-Laws or outright selling them if I have to. I'm holding on, granted by my fingernails, but man is it a struggle.

The BEST news I can share is that we're finally through Ramadan. The High Holy Days of Allah and Company are over. This means that now we can go back to having some 'normalcy' around here, albeit whats normal here wouldn't pass the smell test back home. The biggest thing to me is that now the stores are open at 'normal hours.' During Ramadan, because it involves fasting from sunup to sundown, these assclowns here close every single store and restuarant in the entire friggin country from sunup til sundown. Can't risk someone not being a good Little Islamic Monkey now and tempt them with a Mickey D's Burger now can we? Nope... we got to close everything down because otherwise someone might be tempted to eat a burger. Yeah... hows that looking for wierdness? It's the same concept of them covering their women up from head to toe with the abaya. You know... the Ninja Wimmen Look.

Yeah... They do this to and I quote: " avoid temption and bringing and inciting lust into the hearts of men, a good Muslim Woman will wear the abaya." Yep... it's all about avoiding temptation. By covering a woman up, it keeps that dirty little slut from raising temptation in the hearts of us Good God Fearing men... Like men don't have any self control? I guess if you're a Arab male then maybe they don't have any impulse control? It would explain a LOT about them AND their leaders spouting off like a bunch of Rabid Jackals like Imadinnajacket in Iran saying some of the off the wall shit he spouts. Hmmmn... methinks I might be onto something there. More exploration of that later...

Anyways, besides me being on my usual rant, I'm pleased to say that the Burgers are Back now that this fasting crap is over, and I'm able to get some premium Mickey D's again. I'm just hoping I can get back to the States within the next week so's I can compare the burgers ya know? That's it for now, I suppose I'll have more ammunition for my next little rant. Til then, I remain, The Intrepid Reporter.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Hi Ho Its On to Iraq I Go...

Fuck it. Let me start by getting that out of the way. I finally made a choice and it's Iraq. It's a case of outright retardedness on my point I know. Its a matter of straight economics. I mean what with the meltdown going on worldwide, and in the States, it's the only logical thing for me to do.

The two choices were Japan and Iraq. Most people would be like "Huh thats a no brainer!" and go with the Land of The Rising Sun and Godzilla movies. Me too normally, up until the company in question made me, as Brando said, "An offer I couldn't refuse." I mean when that much money gets flashed metaphorically speaking under one's nose, and you are first and foremost a Mercenary at Heart, then hell... Iraq here I come.

I was sorely tempted by Japan mind you... to the point now I actually have spent the past two months learning basic Japanese and think I could at least make myself, the Giant Gaijin, (thats Whiteboy for all y'all rednecks in the audience) understood at least on a basic level. The Japanese I've found from my research are very much like the French in that if you don't speak the language, you don't rate so high, albeit like the French in that only, and not in general cowardice and foul odors. My few run ins that I had with the JDF or Japanese Defense Forces were limited in my last tour in Iraq, however there was a humorous exchange of views where when I realized that the Jap LT I was speaking to understood English, (more than 70% of Japan does) but was playing dumb so's he didn't have to talk to the Giant Big Nose Gaijin... My resolution to this obvious failure of diplomacy was to start doing what most Ugly Americans do, and that start speaking in increasing volume until I was screaming in his face. (It always cracks me up that some Americans in real life do this whole 'they don't understand so I'll scream it at them and then they'll get it' thing works.) Screaming in this dudes face left me feeling pretty satisified, especially since the liver and onions I had for lunch was decently represented. Take that ya sneaky Jap! Remember Pearl Harbort and all that other crap !!!

Now, needless to say, I'm in shift/change mode now. Iraq... Fucking Iraq...

A horrid place when last I left... befouled air stinking of burning trash and the fetid stench of unwashed Dirty Hajji. An open sore of a country, Iraq represents to me how far a 'First World' Country can fall, and how fast. Now granted, its been almost 2 years since I last rolled in, but I figure it couldn't have changed too much. Supposedly the security has changed, but the first thing that I'm going to do on hitting ground (besides verify that the Duty Free at BIAP is operational) is go see my bro Slim out at 5th Group and retrieve some firepower. If anything I want to have at least my AK or at the minimum a sidearm available. What normal person goes around Baghdad unarmed? Not this Boy let me tell you. When I left Slim had stashed and cached an big ole pile of the Big Country's Firepower. It's time to retrieve that.

So anyhow... it's a good thing I resigned the other day, leastways it makes me feel better to know if the fuzz beat my door down whilst I'm writing and also getting hammered that they ain't gonna do shit to me.

"Hammered Big Country? You ain't supposed to be doing that!"

Yes yes Dear Reader... I said to hell with it... its a Day Off, and a Payday for that matter, so it was only fair that seeing that I'm on the tail end of my tour here, that I have a little one-on-one celebration with some Windex thats called Siddique. Pronounced "Sid-Deek Key" its the Kuwaiti version of Bore Cleaner... Leastways thats how its tasting... or at least thats how it tasted when my tonsils were still operational... as of now I could probably stub a lit cigar out on my tongue and not feel it. Of course, stubbing a lit butt anywhere near my mouth might result in an explosion that blows my fucking head off, so I think I'll pass on that parlor trick for now. It's a entertaining sort of buzz... the kind that leaves you wanting to either pass out, or in my case have out-of-body rushes. I'd definitely recommend it over a NyQuil Buzz, or for that matter the Dreaded "Robo" or "Deadly DM." But more to the point I'd much rather have so Beam or even some Bombay, and I'm not much of a gin drinker. My best bet is to just enjoy what I go while I got it, and roll as they say LOL! Realistically, it's the local moonshine. Seeings how my own personal attempt at still production/beverage making ended up on the ceiling and walls of my kitchen, never mind the funk of the yeast mix that gagged me out for a week, I figgered on just buying the local brand and going for it. Considering that I've been pretty much a 'good boy' in avoiding the Black Market here in Kuwait, I entrusted a colleage to 'fill my order' so to speak. I also very generously allowed him first dibs on a glass full, and when he didn't die or go blind, I figured it was cool to booze it up myself. (Remember Dear Reader, always have a guinea pig available in Third World Countries... Take that as the "IR Travel Tip O The Day")

So that'll wrap it up, sort of like me, for now. The next installment will probably be "Siddique: The Hangover That Melted My Skull" so stay tooned.

Monday, September 22, 2008

A Slow Night...

...and I'm waiting on a new job. I recently got lucky... I got TWO job offers and I'm now in 'open debate mode' over which one I want to do. In a nutshell, one job takes me to "The Land of the Rising Sun," and the other takes me back to "The Land of The Living Shitstain" named Iraq. Yep. One of the gigs, the most recent offers me big money to climb back aboard a C-130 and fly my fat happy ass back up to Iraq and go back to work at The Baghdad Cafe, formerly known as The Saddam-A-Go-Go. The gig is right up my alley in Logistics and even IT, seeings that they need a geek with the ability to move and track equipment. Not a bad gig to say the least. The pay is good, but it's only for a year. The Japan Job offers a four year option, which loosely translates in contractor-speak to 'career.' That and it's not in any wide open shooting galley, although reports from up North these days tend to lean towards a more mellow atmosphere. Me, I could give a damn. Mortars, Rockets, hell... random Sniper fire... been there, done that, carry some extra shrapnel because of it. I'm not worried about the war aspect of it, but mainly the fact that since things ARE winding down and the US Army is starting to pull back a bit, I tend to worry about being caught out without a job. My main concern is that the Army, in it's infinate wisdom, decides that they don't need Contractor "X" "y" and "Z" and have cut the funding and "don't let the door hit out on the ass on the way out."

I've had that happen before. It's not pretty, and comes without warning. The Big Guy, be it a VP or some other Corporate Zombie shows up and "Hey y'all have done a bang up job! You can be proud of the work you've accomplished, but as of X day, the contract is done. Thanks for coming!" Having heard that speech once was enough thank you very mucho. The way I'm looking at it currently is that the Japan Job may not pay A LOT but it's at least with a company that has been around for like EVER, and because of the inherent instability of the contracting world, I'm tempted to stick with going to Tokyo Joe's Bar N Grill for the next 4 years. At least there I'll be able to have some new adventures with a new culture, and man... I'm sure being a 6 foot 4 inch 320 pound Gaijin is going to be plenty fodder for my IR Reports. I mean hell, when I go around here locally, the fucking Arabs freak over how big this whiteboy is... I can only imagine how the Japs are going to react if I go that route.

This however opens new levels of concern. Are the roofs going to be high enough? How about doorways? Would I be doomed to wearing a helmet in order to avoid further brain damage? Lord knows the old grey matter isn't what it used to be, and I really don't want to be trudging around in a semi-permanant stoop, but judging from all things Japanese, I'm thinking this could be a Giant in MidgetLand scenario. I mean really... walking into a doorframe is something that I've experienced only once or twice, well... ok more than that, but it's not like I PLANNED on caving in my casaba on the damned doorframe. One time I rang my bell hard enough to knock myself full out on my ass... and left me with what could be generously refered to as a 'knot' on my nugget. These are aspects I'm going to have to take into consideration. That and the food. Japan is all about seafood and other bizarre food issues, to include raw everything. I've never cottoned onto sushi, but if I go that route, I got a hunch it'll be either sushi or one extremely hardcore diet that I'll be on.

Anyways, it's a quiet night here, and I'm all about quiting this current lame ass gig, so as of tommorow, I'll drop my resignation, and hopefully make a decision on Tokyo or Baghdad int he next few weeks.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Decisions Decisions Decisions

Well enough 'stuff' has happened over the past few days to take any beliefs that I might have had as to the decency or 'common good' that anyone on the Left side of the Political spectrum might have had and finished it. They pretty much made me think that at this point, it's a good thing I'm not in charge as I'd have to declare open season on quite a number of people and put a bounty on the heads of many of the 'talking heads' on the Left. Bounties that would require proof of demise. No "bring 'em back alive" allowed. Preferably skins and scalps. I mean after all, if all of us "bitter clingy gunowners" are such unmitigated murderous dirtbags as the left would portray us as, I'd say that we ought to go out and fulfill some of their mindless rants and fantasies with some good old fashioned ass-kicking reality.

Anyways... enough on that. I think that anyone with any level of brains will vote correctly, I.E. None of the Above on election day... wouldn't that be great? I mean with the exception of Palin (who I think is a total hottie) the rest of them are more of the same. Even McCain... ALL of them are fucking worthless. I just have a special place in my heart and on my rifle range for people of the Leftist Extraction. Even my Dad has been sipping the Kool Aid this year... he goes from one extreme to the next. But anyways.

"So then Big Country... just who should we be voting for?"

Glad you asked that my friend. How about Christopher Walken?
I mean hell... Why not? There's even a website that was put together a while back I mean why the hell not? Who was Ronald Reagan but a former actor? And he turned out to be one of the greatest presidents of all time. I mean hell... look at the picture... gravitas to spare man! I mean even About dot com did a review of the website and then had a poll which kind of sheds light on the electorate is feeling these days.I mean out of over 3800 people who voted (as seen on the screenshot I grabbed right below) That over 3005 of them would vote for Chris right now. Its not often you see this kind of numbers in polling. Now, granted, the polling here is about as non-scientific as you can get, but hell... lets face it. Right now the Obamamessiah and 'Mad Dog' McCain are literally neck-and-neck inthe polls, and seem to be staying that way. There's no clear cut winner as of now, and unless someone gets caught either raping or murdering (or both at the same time) the votes are going to be split pretty evenly, which is going to open a WHOLE other can o' worms when the lawyers and assorted race barons and douchebags come leaping out to play in the post election fray.

Mark my words: The post election of 2008 is going to be a racially oriented and lawyer bloodbath, if not physically, then metaphorically. The Obama folks are going to be crying (as they already have) "Racism" at every corner and use it as a blunt instrument to get the election won in their favor. It's really too bad that we can't really get Walken to be 'drafted' into the Presidency.
I've always been a fan of his dating back to one of his earliest works "The Dog of War" where he plays a mercenary who violently overthrows a small African nation. Huh... now that I think about it, how appropo that that was one of my earliest "fave movies." Just look at the line of work I'm in now!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Got Debt?

Well... as the smoke begins to clear in New York City and the Wall Street folks are sitting sort of pat... everyone is still waiting to see what the latest collapse brings forth. Lehman Brothers, an investment bank of 150 + years of doing biddness is D.O.A. and along with it a HUGE chunk of money and a lot of peoples retirements as well. Now, Me, I'm not very savvy when it comes to these here eco-nomical kind of things. I do know however that even a redneck like myself sees that a Bank that survived the 1929 Collapse and subsequent Great Depression get flushed out this early on shows that things ain't quite right. I mean realistically, back in July when Bear-Sterns got wiped out I figured that it might be a good idea to keep a bit of cash on hand, and make sure that I don't have any money in ANY markets. I mean it's bad Karma when you see these defaults and essentially the begining of the Economic End so to speak. In what I'm calling "The Greater Collapse" this all is going to become waaaaaaaaaay worse before it gets better.

My prediction? I'd say that by the first week of October we'll be seeing the final fraying of the economy. My reasoning? Well, the end of the Economic/Fiscal Year. Yup. Figure that the past three quarters have been essentially ending in a flood of red ink, and that the final report card for the economy is due the last week of September to the first week of October. THIS is going to be the REAL "October Surprise" that kicks the country in the metaphysical nut sack. The amount of layoffs, bank collapses, 'ghost money' (more on that in a minute) and the unrealistic expectations that the economy could continue to run off of ever increasing consumer debt are going to boil up in a major meltdown thats going to make 1929 look like a love tap.

The 'ghost money' is the term that I use to describe just about ALL the money thats on the 'books' so to speak. I mean to give an example, My house I own in Florida we bought (foolishly) at the height of the Housing Bubble and we got it for around $240K. Now, my loan is for $240K PLUS interest. The interest itself is like 4 times the value of the loan. This, to me is 'ghost money.' It doesn't really exist UNTIL such time as I pay the bank. Until that cash is in their greedy grasping claws, they SHOULDN'T be counting it towards the values on their books. BUT... this is EXACTLY what these guys have been doing... counting my loan as if it was worth One point Two Mil and some change... they then bundled all of these loans up and sold them as 'securities'... secure my ass. Anyways, we all know what the problem is.. it's the solutions that you have to bear in mind.

I mean right now, the current two jokers running for president don't seem to understand that this is going to implode in a way that couldn't be imagined. Obama's Idea is to Tax and Regulate... more Government. Like this wasn't what we had going on to begin with? Hey... genius... it's not the 1960's anymore and Taxing the Top 25% is what Hoover tried in 1929 and 1930... and look where that got us. McCain wants to try and clean up and get rid a lot of the 'overregulation' but even then, this isn't going to stop the eventual collapse. McCain is hoping that a band aid on a sucking chest wound will take care of it. Hey Old Dude... no freakin' way man.

The fact is that the feds have been pumping insane amounts of liquidity into the markets to keep it afloat. Essentially they've been printing up more actual paper money to replace the 'ghost money' but in the process, they've devalued the dollar to the point that I'm trying to get paid in Kuwait Dinar.

My advice? Look to having a couple of months of food on hand, some good seed and a couple of good long guns on hand. I mean who knows where this carousel is going to stop? I foresee an eventual contraction of society. Nothin overly dramatic, just a period of insane unrest, figure about a year or so, and then a slow rebuild much like what went on in the mid 30's. Lots of relocation, lots of uprooting of people, and a revaluation of money and assets. My only hope is that it doesn't got full-out-Mad Max mode. THAT in a word, would suck. Me, well, lets just say that the Boy Scout Motto is in full effect in my house. Its a major part of the reason I follow this so closely, because if it DOES go into full on meltdown mode, I've got to try to get the hell out of Dodge ASAP. Which is what the majority of investors on Wall Street seem to be doing as well. Anyways... More Later.